Brian: It's been far too long since we last had a good ol' fashioned role play. So let's get to it!
Brian: Jeff, you are Rakim Sanders. How you feeling big boy?
Jeff as Rakim Sanders: Didn't you see me last night? I'm feeling well enough to be a star in this league which is all that matters. Sure I still have a little pain in my wrist but my jumper is fine and I can get to the rim as well.
Brian: Rakim, some say you have freakish athletic ability yet sometimes you don't bring it come game time. How do you defend yourself?
Jeff as Rakim Sanders: Sometimes I play hurt because me at 65% is better than some at 100%. Other times I'm worried about schoolwork. Who are you to be questioning me anyways? This is the last time I come on your stupid blog.
Jeff: Sticking with basketball, Brian, you are Coach K. Are you concerned with your teams upcoming trip to the Heights?
Brian as Coach K: I am worried about the Eagles for the first 20 minutes! Ha. Skinner's Eagles haven't been able to put together 40 good minutes all season with the possible exception of the game in Chapel Hill. My Blue Devils won't be caught sleepwalking like those silly Tar Heels. We are going to play your Eagles tight for 20 minutes, then when the second half starts up, I'll showcase my superior coaching ability, make some adjustments and blow the Eagles out of Conte Forum. I am going to press the Eagles after every bucket in the second half until Skinner starts to tear up. That's right, he will shed man tears at how horrible his in-bounds plays are. Plus all we have to do is get Tyrese Rice and Josh Southern in foul trouble early in the second half, and it will be smooth sailing.
Brian: Jeff, you are ESPN college basketball analyst Jay Bilas. Why you hating on the impact ACC expansion has had on ACC college hoops?
Jeff as Jay Bilas: In basketball, it would be nice if you played every team in the conference twice every year. That's my problem with the expansion and I'm sticking with it. You must be able to relate since you are a hockey fan and Boston College plays Boston University 4 or more times some years.
Brian: Jay! How you have already conveniently forgot that our Boston College Eagles came within a bucket of winning the ACC Tournament championship game in our first year in the league! Or that both Boston College (2006, 2007) and Virginia Tech (2007) have represented the ACC in the Big Dance post-expansion? ACC expansion has lined the coffers of your beloved Duke athletics program. You probably want the ACC to go back to 8 teams so you can have your cute little basketball-only conference that also plays football. Embrace expansion, buddy. It's a good thing.
Anyway, despite your blatant Duke homerism and anti-expansion stance, you are one of the better college basketball analysts for the four letter network. So tell me, who is in the tournament from the ACC this week?
Jeff as Jay Bilas: Your beloved Eagles, Duke, UNC, Wake, Clemson, FSU, Virginia Tech and Miami. You know all three of those former Big East schools are on thin ice though.
Jeff: Brian, you are a member of the ACC scheduling committee. Why the delay for the release of the football schedule and are you at least going to get it right?
Brian as ACC scheduler: Well, we had to wait to see how some of these out of conference games were going to pan out. We wanted to wait until the teams from North Carolina gorge themselves on creampuff opponents in early September. And we also want to take an extra amount of time to ensure teams like Florida State, Virginia Tech and Miami (FL) have the most favorable schedule possible. Because those programs sell! Some say we have a football perception problem. What better way to fix that than give those programs the easiest schedule possible in terms of when who plays who and screw the little guys! I'm looking at you, Duke, Wake Forest and Boston College!
Brian: Last one. Jeff, you are Colin Reed, the CEO of the Gaylord Entertainment Co., the title sponsor of the 2008 Music City Bowl. Given the state of the economy these days, and the fact that your company's stock price is down 71.96 percent from a year ago, does it still make sense for a company of 4 hotel chains to be sponsoring a mid-tier SEC-ACC bowl game?
Jeff as CEO: Brian, first of all we also own a radio station so it's not just about the hotels here. While the stock price has taken a major hit over the last year, our company has weathered reccessions before and will handle this one as well. If your Eagles hadn't stunk up the field in December at our game, we might be doing a little better financially right now but we'll still be fine.